I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
