okay pat passed out under dana's car
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
