so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
