u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
