To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
