You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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