Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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