Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
