He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
