His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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