Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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