T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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