the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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