A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
