If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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