Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
