My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize