Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do vagina's smell?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
