what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
