I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
