i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
