3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize