This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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