My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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