I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
