Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
