dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
