Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
