I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
