If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
