i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
