So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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