it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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