Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize