Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
