i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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