I think I died a long time ago.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
