I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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