Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
