he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
