youre lurking in front of me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize