Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
