Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
