Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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