On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He passed out mid-signature
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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