see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
