Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Barsexuality is the new black.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
