not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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