I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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