I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
