your room smells of hookers.
And success
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
