I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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