i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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