I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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