If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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