So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
