Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
