I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
