so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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