Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
