Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
