By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
its liver damage thursday
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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