omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
