we made out on top of his cat.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
