He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
