I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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