I cannot find my penis.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
