Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
