it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
