I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
