I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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