Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
