I'm lost and stupid without you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize