do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The police scanner is talking about you again....
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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