Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize