i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
