So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
