I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
