I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
we should paint friendship bongs
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