Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
