I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So vagazzling was a success
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
