I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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