I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
