DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
