I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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