The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
