I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
where does the pee come out of this thing
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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