did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
nutella sex= disaster
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
