I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize