its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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