Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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