That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just invented taco cereal.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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