Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
