He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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