Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
